It just may not feel like it's okay tomorrow. But, eventually we'll get there.
Until then, though, I am leaning HARD into all my favorite things (chocolate, gummy bears, bubble baths, and a good books) and painting Christmas ornaments to sell in my etsy shop. Christmas helps me cope with life.
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It also helps when I sit in each of my children's beds to say goodnight.
Tonight, while I perched on the edge of a vintage quilt draped across a teal green four poster bed, I whispered to my daughter, "Every time I look at you, my brain just explodes with how much I love you." She asked me if that was still true when I was angry with her. I swept a wisp of hair out of her face and told her I love her forever no matter what. These bedtime talks are the best thing ever in the whole world. I hope she'll let me sit there on the edge of her bed and kiss her forehead like this until infinity.
My sons all wanted to know "the plan" when I went to tell them goodnight. I was interrogated while hanging from the edge of the bunk bed in one room and then flopped on an ancient bedspread in the other room for my second inquisition. I tried not to care if they actually used soap in the shower tonight (they didn't). They were full of questions and way too much energy for that late at night. We should probably consider a kid-friendly 12-step program for sugar addiction due to Halloween candy.
The boys all machine-gunned questions at me, "What's happening tomorrow, when can we play that game, what will we eat, when is our class, where are you going tomorrow night, do I really have to get a shot at the doctor's office?" Tucking in preteen boys is like suddenly finding yourself in the middle of a surprise Saturday Night Live sketch with multiple Chris Farleys. They ask questions and then don't even wait for the answers because they suddenly remember some funny joke, or they have to tell you about a new sign of puberty that is "so weird", or they need to fake-punch themselves in the face to make you laugh. Their behavior begs the questions: Am I even a good mom to these people who have exactly zero sense 90% of the time? I'm not sure there's even a way to access the correct answer to that question. But they still all kiss me goodnight and they tell me I'm the best mom EVER, so I guess I'm not totally blowing it.
I walked downstairs and heard all about Morgan's latest grad school assignment, his thoughts on super important things, and all his plans for the next two weeks. (I was suddenly very exhausted after that.) I lit candles and thought of how thankful I am for the blessings as well as the challenges we face together tonight.
Now I'm just thinking about all my friends out there, who read this blog, and are off living their lives in the middle of this crazy election. In the midst of all the uncertainty our nation faces, we are still all just living our lives like we always have before. There's something comforting about that.
I wish I could sit beside all of you and hear your hearts like I heard my children's tonight. I wish I could tell you that you are loved more than you will ever understand. I want to hear your plans for tomorrow and your funny stories from today, and I'd love to see you fake-punch yourself in the face. Because fake-punches are really pretty funny.
Tonight, I vote for peace on earth, and for the God who sent His Son to be our Immanuel, to bring us all home. I also vote for all of you, for the way you care for your friends and family, and for your dreams of justice and joy everlasting.
I pray that our hearts would grow more certain of our deep need for God when we wake up tomorrow. Let us cling to the same faith that has been saving us from the darkness all these years, as it keeps on saving us, no matter who lives in the White House. May the love that casts our fears away call out freedom over our souls.
Yes, let there be peace on earth, let us give thanks in all things, even the hardest graces that come upon us. This is how faith and hope and love grow in measure within us.
Everything really is going to be okay. Eventually.