Tuesday, August 26, 2014

twenty years of Jesus and imperfect me

Twenty years ago today, this very day, Jesus saved me from my sin, from a dreary life without Him. He wrapped His life and death up in the good news of His sacrifice, tied a knot around my soul, and I was forever bound to Him.

I feel quiet in my soul, relishing the memories, celebrating the deep tides of God’s love through the years. I have been foolish, selfish, and ignorant of what grace really means so many times. And yet, He remains and I am still His.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

My veil is off these days, worldly perfection is a ruse and I am casting it aside. All I want is more glorious transformation from Him, and I'm calling this desperation for Jesus a new level of normal Christian life.

It’s a silly question, to ask if God’s children should have pain, imperfections, or find themselves beset by sorrows. We live to die, and we die so that we can live, we carry crosses and wrestle lions, and we are weak in many ways so that Christ can become our strength. Life is hard.

Some people can’t wait to see what God will do with their lives. I have only ever wanted to see how I will be delivered from mine. It is often dark in here and I grow weary of seeking a door hidden so far down the hall it may take me years to find it.

But the moment I gave up groping along the hallway, the door was suddenly right there.

God is vast and unchanging, and yet forever creating new ways to enter our lives and unlock our souls. He supernaturally shapes His voice and hand to fit perfectly into the hell we have created in the midst of our circumstances, our relationships, and our own false beliefs. He rarely comes to us the same way twice. But He never fails to come when we call.

And so He has come again for me. Twenty years of growing have proven one thing to me: I am always smaller and weaker than I need to be, and God is always grander and more gentle than I expect Him to be. The more I grow in Him, the more I need Him, and the more aware I am that His ways are not my ways.

Two decades are a tiny spark in the flame of eternity, and a mere splinter in the door to forever with Jesus in glory. But they are the twenty years I share and treasure with Christ, and they are more than I have deserved and yet less than He plans to joyfully lavish upon me.

Because Jesus is full of amazing-mystery-love-stuff-I-can't-even-fathom and He treasures my imperfect little self who is generally full of nonsense and straight-up crap. Isn't it amazing? He's undeniably worth seeking, following, and loving.

Twenty years down, sixty-ish to go of this normal Christian life, and then on through the door to forever with Him. This journey just keeps getting better all the time....

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