"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty."-Psalm 91:1
I stood in my kitchen and living room last Friday, mentally choosing new colors for all the surfaces in my house.
Because that's what we do here in the first world, when our souls yearn for change, for freedom, for new things from God: we rearrange our lives, reschedule our time, and repaint our walls.
We settle for so much less than Jesus wants to give when we are able to answer our own deep prayers with shallow comforts.
Still, it's too dark around here these days. But in my heart, I don't really want to paint the haze away. I want to write the light into the darkness.
I want to write art, to write love, to write beauty into the dark ache of life. Even life in the shadow of the Almighty can be confusing, and I hunt His love in syllables and phonemes.
I bumble about in the grayness, stumbling over my own feet. Maybe it is time for a change. Perhaps its time I let God change me.
Early in the quiet this morning my eyes flutter open and before any of my children rouse and wake, the sun is already up. I shuffle to the coffee maker, marveling at the summer sun's bright and early presence.
I open words of life and I open my heart to find words to light my own life. Yes, this is what I need; to read light, to eat His light, to feel the waters of eternal life rush over my soul.
The thought has grown stronger over the past few months, and it is a fierce enemy that only God's mighty roar can tame:
I am not enough.
The world tells us women are supposed to empower themselves, to rise in their feminine glory, and to be mighty in the world. But I am weak and I have only small words and feeble thoughts. There is not enough of me to make my life go 'round. But in ancient words and holy love I find I am made into so much more:
"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence." -2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)
The winter has been pitch dark and I have learned to cling in the darkness and love the hidden place. But it is time. He leads us out, He carries us on, and He brings new light for old souls.
The sun is up. The fresh paint is waiting. The new words are forming. We shine in the shadow of His grace.
Wake up, sleeper, and see the glory of God rising over you. Look to the skies and see His radiance flowing from the heavens. He pours out His presence and He calls out His children.
It's time to shine.