Monday, May 12, 2014

what to do when you feel insecure in your marriage


A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful.
Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge. The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.
Proverbs 14:25-27

After thirteen years of marriage and twenty years of friendship, Mr. Fantastic and I pretty much know our weaknesses and strengths. We know the ways we tend to fall short for the other person. Likewise, we know how to rock the other person's world.

We also know our love is securely founded on a greater Love that steadies us through the storms of life.

Even so, when confrontation comes, when I prove to be slightly to the left of exactly what he needs/wants/prefers, a trap forms and I must choose whether or not to let my confidence be ensnared in the teeth of fear.

Let's be clear: my husband loves me as I am. He accepts me wholeheartedly and can even roll with the brokenness I bear. But because he wants to see me made whole, he is brave enough to stand and fight the dragon of my insecurity. Or occasionally, because he is merely a man, careless words or mistaken meanings open old wounds. If I hold my pain and insecurity too close and precious, these moments can feel like he is purposely fighting me. 

This is how the trap grows.

Sometimes marital strife has nothing to do with your spouse, and is really all about you and the cross. In actuality, the great internal battle for my soul can only be fought by my own submission to God's word.

The vices of criticism, blame, and rejection, as comforting as they can be, can only be slain by fasting from their slanderous voice. Other words must replace them, and there is only one true source of truth and wisdom that can fan the flame of of the Holy Spirit within us.

My security does not come from the strength of my marriage, the faithfulness of my husband, or my ability to please the people around me. In Christ alone I stand secured by His choice to love me unto death. What man can ever reject me now that I have received God's favor?

One day in His word at a time, one choice to believe the gospel at a time, breath after breath of grace over our insecurity, this is how a marriage becomes founded in Christ. This is how love grows and how we become like Him.


Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
-1 Peter 1:13-16

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