Thursday, October 17, 2013

when you want your spouse to change

I was lying in my dark bedroom, too tired to get up and do anything, mind racing too much to sleep.

Beside me I could hear the gentle snoring of my husband.

I smiled as I thought that this is really how we are together. He easily does what he is supposed to do. The day is over, it's time to sleep, so my Mr. Fantastic sleeps.

I, on the other hand, can't just do want I am supposed to do. I'm too complicated and I overthink everything. I fret and plot. First about writing, then about the kids, the house, a conversation I need to have. I wonder how my grandmother is doing, wish I had called my parents this week, and remember that tomorrow I promised the kids donuts in the morning.

I love his steadfast, constant speed. He loves my erratic, unpredictable nature.

He helps me feel secure. I make him laugh.

Marriage is a good thing when you play to your strengths.

For many years we didn't know this. We waited patiently for the other person to change, to be better at the things we stink at doing.

I thought he should be more spontaneous, like a knight in a fairy tale who charges in with presents to woo his love. He thought I should calm down a little.

Then the pace of life became so difficult that we just sort of gave up on making any ground, and we held on for dear life as kids and church took everything we had to give.

Suddenly, all we really wanted was to be together.

The funny thing about it is that's exactly how love begins. You just want to be together. No bells or whistles, no three car garage or spontaneous getaway.

We got married so we could be together for the rest of our lives. I wonder when that goal shifted?

I suppose the early passion lowered to a smoldering flame, and kids wore us out, and we forgot to be intentionally in love every day for a season. Then we wondered when we would feel that kind of thrill again.

The miraculous thing is, the thrill never left. We just stopped shining a light on it while babies screamed at us and toddlers woke us up too early.

It's nice to be back again, thrillingly in love. But this time it's even better. Experience has taught us that we will make it, and a little dry spell won't stop the love from growing.

I love the sound of that man snoring quietly beside me. I never want to sleep without his steady presence near me.

Spontaneous is overrated. I'll take real, true, and forever love for the rest of my life.

And let's be real, I will probably never calm down. I can't even sleep when I'm exhausted.

Tomorrow, he will laugh when I tell him all about my sleepless night, and the way I love to hear him snore. Then I will smile when I see the love in his eyes.

This is how he and I are meant to be.

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